Midlife Madness Podcast

Why your libido dipped—and how to get it back without shame

• Martha Savloff, Master Certified Health Coach

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We get honest about why libido can crash during perimenopause and menopause and how to rebuild desire with compassion, practical tools, and faith. We share medical options, daily habits, and connection rituals that make intimacy feel safe and joyful again.

• estrogen decline, tissue changes and dryness as drivers of pain and avoidance
• testosterone and progesterone shifts reducing desire and calm
• sleep loss, hot flashes and stress as libido killers
• normalising data from North American Menopause Society
• medical support including bioidentical options and local therapies
• using lubricants and moisturisers without shame
• pelvic floor work and movement to increase blood flow
• stress management, whole foods and better sleep habits
• bringing partners to appointments to align understanding
• love languages, low-pressure touch and rebuilding safety
• integrating faith, prayer and positive scripture for confidence
• practical steps to regain confidence and body image

Subscribe to my channel, follow me on Instagram, um, and let's talk about all of these things till next time


SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Midlife Madness podcast where we get real about menopause, wellness, and faith. Midlife can be messy. Let's make it magical. Welcome back to Midlife Madness, Wellness, Faith, and Menopause. So today's topic is tough to talk about. Not a lot of people talk about it, but it's a real thing, and it's menopause. Is having no libido, not feeling sexual whatsoever, and we call it actually my husband calls it men dash o pause. Um, and it's so appropriate for this topic, but let's talk about it. Yesterday I was uh talking to a few people and um they were frustrated because their wives they have no sexual drive and they're going through menopause, and um I feel so bad for both of them because I've been through that, like I have gone through the process of like the my libido go being down in the dumps, non-existent, zero desire, like non-existent, and that's part of the perimenopause that I'm going through, and so um, amongst all sorts of other symptoms and side effects of menopause that we've talked about already on here, um, this was one of them, and I had to figure this thing out because I didn't want my husband to feel like I didn't desire him or I don't love him, or you know, maybe there's something wrong with him. And you know, we are meant to connect sexually with our partners, and it and it it keeps us together, like there's a connection that happens. So when there's no sexual connection, it becomes a little funky, um, and it's weird, it's like something is missing, there's a void. Uh, so I does anybody else have you gone through that too? Um, there it's just like a funk. It's like a funk. And so I was thinking about our conversation yesterday, and I just finished working out. I look like a mess. Look at me. I just threw a little bit of gloss on, and I'm like, we're gonna jump on here, we're gonna talk about this because this is an issue, and it's not only me, and it's not only my friends. This is an issue, I'm sure, across the board. I've talked to many clients that have gone through it or is going through it, and let's talk about it. So, why is this happening? It always starts with hormones. Ay, ay, aye. Hormones is definitely number one for everything, and so let's talk about it. Estrogen decline causes vaginal dryness, thinning tissue, and discomfort. So, again, I've talked to clients that they're experiencing vaginal dryness, and it's so um painful, it can be so painful, and so like you get have no desire to do anything because you're supposed to have pleasure, not pain, while you're having uh you know, making love with your partner, right? So your testosterone levels drop, reducing libido and sensitivity. Again, hormones, lower progesterone means less calm and more anxiety and being irritable. We talked about that in the last video. Again, hormones, and then because of all of this, there's sleep loss, hot flashes, and stress, and all of these equal libido killers. So if any man out there is watching this or hearing this, like exercise some grace towards your wife or your partner because this is hormonal, it's not because we don't want to, it's because we have some funky changes going on inside of us, and it's just not naturally coming out that we want to, you know, have intimacy with our partner, and it's not the partner, it's all of these crazy things that are happening inside of us, but there are things that we can do to help it. Let me give you some stats. According to the North American Menopause Society, around 50 to 60 percent of women report a noticeable decrease in sexual desire during menopause. Nearly 45% report vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex. About one in three women experience painful intercourse and are after menopause. So that's a big percentage. That's most, you know, 50 to 60 percent. And it is a thing. Like, if you guys know what I'm talking about, can you comment? Send me a message because you're not alone. I know this is really private, this is really sensitive topic, but it's one that we need to talk about. You know, it affects our relationships, it affects our self-image. Um, the sexual decline can make women feel like less feminine and disconnected from their partners, like I just said. So we need to work on this. Like, let's not avoid it, let's not make excuses, let's just hammer it down, let's go full force ahead and let's deal with it. It also can bring like emotional shame, like frustration, loss of confidence, again, shame. Um, so I know I know the feeling. Believe me, I know the feeling. I had to deal with it. Um, and so there's things that you can do about it. Obviously, there's like physical medical things that you can do. Again, I'm not a doctor, I'm just sharing my stories, my experience, things that have helped me, things that have helped our clients. Um, so you know, seek medical help if you're experiencing these things, but talk to your provider about bio-identical hormones. Um, I take bio-identical hormones, it was life-changing. You probably have heard about it. If you've watched several of my podcasts or YouTube videos, you have heard me say this time and time and time again. You don't have to live like this, there's things that you can do. Um, one of the things that I did was I actually made an appointment with a functional medicine doctor, and I asked my husband to go with me. Because I it was really important for me that my husband was there with me so he can hear from the doctor what's going on with me, and how and and I it was important for him to hear like that there is actually an issue and an imbalance that's happening inside of me that's causing my libido to go down. And thank god I have a really, really, really, really, really supportive husband. He is God said, like, he's from heaven. I I can't even tell you if if some of you guys out there know him, you know what I'm talking about. I am super blessed to have the husband that I have, and but I wanted to him to have an understanding of everything that I'm going through. Like when I was telling the doctor all the things that I was going through, uh, whether it's sexual, whether it's pain, whether it's like all the things that come with perimenopause and the hormonal imbalance, I wanted him to hear that. And then I also wanted him to hear what the doctor said about it. Um, and he confirmed that I'm definitely in perimenopause, and and this is why this is happening, and this is what you can do about it. So, if you have a husband, a partner, it's a good idea for you to take them with you. Um, so what can you do to help? Talk to your provider about the biodential hormones. Um, also, there's vaginal moisturizers and lubricants that you can use. Um, they're water or silicone based. It's no shame in the game. Okay, go buy these things, um, help yourself to do this thing. Like it's okay to do that. Uh, regular movements and pelvic floor exercises help um increase blood flow to the area. So do pelvic floor exercises, it actually does help the circulation down there, and so that's helpful. Um, if you want to increase your libido and and get back to it. There's lifestyle shifts that you can do as well, like manage stress. Too much cortisol shuts down desire. So, again, hormones, cortisol levels, stress, stress, stress, stress causes you to not want to be intimate, and it lowers your desire. So, like, you have to manage your stress, guys. You have to. You have to take the time and energy and and do the things that causes your stress levels and your cortisol levels to go down. Nourish your body with anti-inflammatory foods. So, nourish your body with anti-inflammatory foods, which are nothing processed, no high sugar. What's inflammatory to our bodies? Sugar and processed foods. Eat whole foods. There's also anti-inflammatory foods that you can eat as well. Um, if you need a list of those, contact me and I'll be more than happy to help you with that. And then rekindle your connection through emotional um like events and safety. Go go for a walk with your husband. Increase what's your love language. My husband and I do marriage counseling all the time, and we talk to couples about their love language. Like, what's your love language? There's a book out there that's called The Five Love Languages. Learn what your partner's love language is. My love language is communication. I love to sit around with a latte and talk to my husband and talk about all the things that we have going on, things that we want to do, our children, our grandchildren, life, how blessed we are. That is my love language. My husband's love language is words of affirmation, knowing that I support him, knowing that I'm his biggest cheerleader, and also touch, which is not you know new for men, right? So go out there, get the five love language book, find out what your partner's love language is and what your love language is, and and work at it, guys. Work at it. And also, I just want to like I know this might sound weird, but in the faith side, invite God into your marriage, right? And and it's like I know it sounds weird, but invite God into your marriage bed. Like, it is godly, it is godly to have great intimacy with your spouse. The Lord created us to be sexual creatures, too. There's nothing wrong with it. I remember one time I was talking um with a wife that she was having intimate intimacy issues with her husband because she didn't feel like she was there physically, like she was not confident, her self-esteem was down in the dumps because she was large, she just didn't feel sexy, right? And I remember I was talking to her on the phone, and she mentioned that her husband was taking a shower. I'm like, so-and-so, your husband's taking a shower right now, and she's like, Yeah, I'm like, great, go undress, get into that shower with your husband, and she's like, What? I said, Yes, and she could not believe that I was telling her to do that because um I'm a pastor, so it's like she's hearing her minister pastor tell her, go get undressed and go into the shower with your husband. Yes, guys, do that. Element of surprise, be spontaneous, go and and and surprise your spouse and and and just talk yourself through it. Invite God into your marriage, into your sexual life. It is a godly thing. Pray, pray about it, pray for unity, pray for renewed affection. Pray like Lord, I I love my husband, I want to feel or I love my wife, I want to feel that spark again. I want to feel that desire again. I want to feel that those butterflies when I see him walk in or or when we talk over the phone, the Lord will spark it up again. I promise you. Invite God into your marriage. There's a scripture in a song of Solomon 4-7 that says, You are altogether beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you. Oh my gosh, there's nothing like being in love, and there's nothing like being excited to be with your spouse. So do the things that is required to get back to that. No shame in your game. I know that I know the feeling of feeling like sadness and depressed because you want to, but you have no desire. Like, right here, like you know that it's been two weeks, and like you want to, but like there's no desire. I know the feeling. I put myself out here in this podcast so you guys know that you're not alone, and I'm human too, and I go through the things like every everybody else does, and I don't mind talking about myself because I hope that this encourages one of you guys or multiple of you guys, and and that you feel like you're not alone, then you can connect with me and ask me questions, message me all the things because there's things that you can do from just start with the fastest thing, which is praying. If you're a believer out there, it doesn't matter what whatever you believe out there, invite your God to this because it can happen. Um, I've done it before. Also, go to a functional medicine doctor, check your hormone levels, get them balanced, get your mojo back, get your sexiness back. If you're if you're you're overweight and you don't feel sexy, take care of that. Call me, message me. You know I own a weight loss center. I've helped thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people meet their body goals that will bring your sexy back. Do the things that is required to bring your sexy back. I hope that I gave you enough tips for you to start working at it and live life, guys. Like, we have one life, like live life, live life loving with intimacy, with all the things, because we were created to do that, and so run after it, run after it hard, do the work, okay? I hope this was um really helpful, and I'm so happy that I get to talk about these weird, you know, sometimes embarrassing topics. Uh, because we need to, we need to talk about it. Anyways, I am so happy that I get to do this and I get to do this with you. Subscribe to my channel, follow me on Instagram, um, and let's talk about all of these things till next time. I am going to dig in deep and find the most awkward and weird topic to talk about because we need to do it. We need to do it. So go get your sexy on. I hope that this was helpful, and I'll see you next time.